It’s been quite a while since the last day I wrote on my blog. The outlet I have for sharing my thoughts, my trips, my wellness tips, and career advice. I could jump right now into making posts about my two trips to Colombia, a weekend getaway to the Bahamas or a change of environment living in Manhattan NYC for a month. But the truth is, even when I traveled, when I worked beyond exhaustion, when I tried to continue my journey to complete my levels of German, when I volunteered at work to do collaborations, mentorship, it all took its toll.

I’ve been suffering from writer’s block (and more). My levels of stress and anxiety went off the charts since the beginning of 2021 and, add to that a pandemic and six months of overwork, my health went anywhere but down. I questioned myself a lot as I would sit in front of my computer and not be able to write about my amazing and not-so-amazing experiences during my latest trips, about mental health and about other topics that I considered could make you smile or at least, help, in some way.

As I sit and write this while I drink my afternoon coffee with cinnamon, I can just say what a year of endurance, of emotional battles, distance, medication, and breakdowns it has been. One can only keep throwing under the rug our problems and how the environment affects us for so long. The say the more you push and push, stronger you are. But the day you can’t get up from bed, they say you're being weak. And that is completely wrong and not true. It’s a social and internalized belief that we all have, in which we can pretend everything is fine to keep a face in front of the world. It’s wrong because, we are human and have an array of emotions that are valid.

Eventually, handling all sorts of situations at the same time leaves us powerless to keep the mask on. It breaks - and as it breaks - we feel like we crumble and fall into the abyss. Suddenly the worries about toxic places, people, friend’s illnesses, unhappiness, frustration, work, hopelessness, anger, intrusive and illogical thoughts; they are very much alive and in control. This is the moment of the truth. The one where we decide to either ignore it and lose yourself or take the courage to seek help and heal. I want to emphasize that seeking help shows bravery and strength. Only strong people accept they need help, and take a step towards true recovery.

I have always been advocating for mental health as a priority and, while it often is overlooked or minimized, I will never stop. There is such a big opportunity for education about wellness. Empathy, diversity, humanity, support; all of what this world needs to know more about.

Having functional depression is such a dangerous illness. Nobody notices until signs begin to show off. And when signs begin, you are halfway down the abyss.

As I prepare to continue writing, exploring, loving, taking risks, looking for opportunities, and most importantly, taking care of my health, I feel hopeful. Hopeful. I cannot believe I am saying it. But it’s the only mentality that I can have now, while being present. The past is gone and the future is uncertain, but the present is here and we cannot throw it to waste while worrying about the what-ifs and blaming ourselves.

Whenever you are having those invasive thoughts, feelings of not deserving something, feeling like you can’t, that you’re not good enough; use the H’oponopono Hawaiian technique and tell yourself:

Treat yourself with kindness, work on your happiness and well-being. We are often our most harsh critics. It’s time to stop, recognize and work with whatever we are facing. I haven’t, can’t and will not live a shallow life. My core needs happiness for me to do what I love more: sharing and communicating with others, leaving a positive mark in the world.

The next time that someone asks, “how are you?”, ask yourself honestly, “how am I?”. Being honest with yourself is the first step.